Changing Times

I didn't talk about this when it happened because I couldn't type the words without breaking into tears.  Dan and I lost a friend in August.  And to be precise, he was a wonderful friend.  He was my best friend's boyfriend and the four of us were often together.  The loss was hard on us, devastating on my friend.  But she has pulled through this with an amount of grace that I wouldn't have thought possible.  When I was in the Quad Cities last week, I met her new someone.  She taught me, without even saying anything, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with continuing to live your life.

This lesson fully resonated with me this weekend.  On Thursday, we got the call that my Grandma had had a seizure and was potentially not going to make it through the weekend.  My best friend was with me when my mom got the call.  We were about to leave my parents house to meet up with friends for dinner.  My friend teared up when my mom and I hugged and cried a little.  And on the drive to the restaurant, my friend and I talked about my fears, our relationship and how happy we are to have steady, undying friendship.  The call sucked, the potential outcome sucked but the conversation that followed was wonderful.  My friend, who works an insane schedule, offered to drive down with my to the small town that my grandparents live in, if the worst should happen.  My friend, who has had a year from hell, offered to be there with me if I needed it.  Dan was on the verge of leaving for part of the week for work and we weren't sure if he would be able to get down for the funeral, should it happen.  My friend, without directly saying anything, said thank you for what I did for her when her boyfriend passed away.  And for that conversation, I love her all the more. 

My grandma didn't pass away.  She made it through the weekend and we found out that this is part of the end stage of Alzheimers.  According to alz.org, seizures are part of the last stage, as are strokes and myoclonic jerks and a loss of the ability to swallow.  There's a part of me that prays for her easy passing in her sleep before she endures the inability to even injest food.  I pray for that too because I don't want to know that my wonderful grandfather is forced to make the decision to place a feeding tube or not.  I pray that this monstrous disease, that I hate and fear, will release its hold on her before it robs more from the family.  Alzheimers is a thief.  It takes the person's memory, the family's time and energy and the family's memory of the person before they started losing time and bits of themselves and before their personalities disappear entirely.

The moral this is that change is scary, especially when that change involves death or mortal illness but out of change comes the truth and beauty of the human spirit.   Tough times aren't easy or fun but they bring out who people really are and their inner beauty comes out.